You lost your life to give me yours, need i ask more?
Two things; One, being that i hate the "Why does God let us suffer???" card. Maybe i dislike it so much because when i answer it it sounds as if im mumbling exuses for every question when really these are things i've ponder for such a long time and have hardly had the age to refine them. Maybe it's the fact that when unbelievers can't find a open, debatable mind they shove a, "I guess God is just going to keep damning us", hard against us. The question is not a casual one that can be put into a casual explination. There is a series of books put together called the Bible explaining the reasonings, origins, and truths on sufferings and God's part in it all. Also, i know a lot of unbelivers are not mocking to others beliefs and actually respect them - that disgruntle is not for you.
Im going to answer this question in my own opinion, here we go;
When Satan chose his own power over God's love motivated power, two sides were drawn out. God was on his way to make a joyful people that would express His love, when Satan made his decision and was thrown out of heaven. No deluded way to put it, Satan was evil and saw himself above God, God saw no reason to allow Satan to pollute his sincerity with arrogance - Satan was thrown out. Now God wanted to see who His people would pick, which line they would cross over to. Seeing who wanted to truly love him. It seems to me God's side is one of no obligation. God will always reach out his hand to be ready to hold yours. If you take it, he will embrace, refine, and mold you into a joyful, loving son of his. I see God as a perfect Father figure. He lets you make the choice to fall, he gives you the freewill to make your decisions. The thing is though, you can choose to let him discipline you out of your own consequences, or you can deal with your consequences how you like. God doesn't judge, hate, or recklessly bring suffering. When we sin we have turned away. That to me means that when we ask God to reshape us; our pain comes from having to let go of our own selfishness or sin (I'm not saying when you think about yourself you're sinning. When your selfshiness becomes something that hurts others it becomes sin. Because it is not Love). Pain is not something God sets in you. I do believe God sets a consience in you though.
Satan is temptation. No freewill to it. He lures you and traps you with false senses of joy. Now i do believe Satan can bring you happiness, but happiness is only an emotion (unlike Joy which is not only involved in emotions, but mindsets and stability) and will only deepin a craving in your heart for more. consequences are frequent and lead to a place in your self that is selfish and never filled. It gets worse and worse, without hope. Satan is power, Satan is anger. Satan pinpoints a weakness in me that pulls me toward him like none other. I let him shape my thoughts sometimes and it makes me feel empower, omnipotent. Foolish things that bring nothing good to anyone. Expecially me. No ones perfect, no one should be judge higher or lower than ANYONE for what they've done.
Adam and Eve were made in the image of God. No sense of right and wrong. God gave them access to Earth, which was also occupied by Satan. A test i guess you could call it. Eve bit into the only fruit that was off limits. One that would give them a true choice of their fate. Adam ate along with her. Since God told them the consequences and downfalls of the fruit and yet they still chose it, he let them have their desision. A better insight to their choice? Well, they chose to make Satan an interest in their lives. They chose their suffering.
You may say that it isn't fair, that you wouldn't have eaten the fruit and that it is insane to make us suffer because of some stupid pair's choice. But you know what? You've eaten that fruit, way, way more than once. I know the consequences of most of my actions and yet i still devuldge in them. We sin, or eat the fruit, everyday. You cannot say that you would not have eaten that fruit, when you have already done so.
Prayer - Prayer comes in different ways. Why does God let poor unfed babies in Africa die horrible deaths? Why are there wars? Why can't He just make it easier for us so that we don't have to put as much effort into loving Him?
I will never be able to tell you why God answers prayers in one way and another in a completely different way. What i can tell you is we don't see what God does in those situations. Why did that baby die? Becuase an Evil government that's ministered with greed and hate doesn't care much to help a baby. Why does God let that happen? Becuase we chose the fruit. Will God answer a prayer to take care and love that baby? God does love and care for that baby. I believe our prayers are answered, but we distrust God becuase he didn't answer the prayer the way WE wanted Him to. That little child is innocent and didn't do anything, he can't possibly do anything wrong. Correct, but we are born with sin becuase we chose the fruit. We're all destined to die and it is most likely going to be painful, its what we decided to choose. God will make something amazing come out of that situation. Thats the difference. Its not God that kills the baby, its Him that eases our mourning. Even though we betray and hurt him more than anything in this world could hurt us. Its God that makes love come out of a horrid situation. Wether we choose to believe it or not, or even choose to see it. Sometimes we don't see the outcome God gives for years, sometimes we just fail to see it.
The amazing thing about all of this is the fact that Adam and Eve and their descendents chose Satan over God most often. So what did God do? He told them to make sacrifices for Him. To take something cherishable and just give it to God. Why did God do that? Not becuase he didn't want his people to have "nice things", He wanted to see their faith and their love in action. That was the best way to do it then, becuase their crops and herds in that time was pretty much their currency. It says in the Bible that it covered the sins of his people, it didn't nessecarily take them away. What did God do then? He sent his Son, a perfect man that faced incredible hardships and yet stayed true to His Father. The only way to take away the sins of ours was to put them on one who didn't have any. A perfect sheep to be sacraficed for our benefit. That sounds horrible doesn't it? It probably felt even worse too. We have to realize though that love motivated that. Jesus argued with God but in the end chose to die for our sins. It has been made to sound so cliche', but really think about it. We are sick, sinning little greedy bastards that have salvation through God becuase he loves us so. God knows we screw up and he guides us through the best possible outcome if we let him. When we truly live for God we become more like him. Which is one of the reasons i am no longer an evolutionist. Evolution never gave me an answer for emotions that felt sincere. Nor did it have a more factual scientific, sensible reason than Christianity.
I seemed tro have gotten off topic a bit from thing number two. And that is the fact that i really like chairs.
Hey Adrienne, i miss you like crazy.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Watching through past eyes
I was a reading a book a moment ago about a man who was struggling with the meaning of life. To make a point at one moment he talked about a friend, Bob, that wrote down almost all of his memories. He wrote them down he said "because a memory has no meaning if it is lost". It inspired me to think of some of my memories. Its amazing wheat your mind goes back to, no matter how random it was.
I remember having my own room. Waking up as the sun shown through my enormous windows on the second level of the house we later sold. I remember feeling alive. First learning to enjoy the little things. I remember finding God when i was trying to look other places. It all felt so right, so good.
I remember in middle school, before i was home schooled, getting numerous awards for attendance and high grades. Then feeling horrible when my friends didn't feel so great about my boasting.
I remember crying to Manchester Orchestra because i needed to cry and Andy Hull's pain was enough for me.
I remember skinny dipping in my underground pool in the back yard of my old house when i was about 11 or so.
That reminds me of the Robinsons. Swimming with them (clothed) and how much fun it was to enjoy their company. And pushing my dad into the pool when he had his work clothes on time, after time.
I remember when i had my first kiss. Being so afraid and ironically showing the affection in front of everyone on my school bus. Which is a big deal in Elementary school.
I remember my first fight. It was "Friday night fights". Muay Thai fighting was a favorite of mine and i got the confidence to enter the brawls. Andrew was 21 years old and an ex-weightlifter. He was a dick (pardon my english) and on one occasion broke my fathers nose when they were only sparing. We got into the ring with pads that only protected fists and shins. I was so nervous. So, so nervous. It was exhilarating. Adrenaline surged through me and it was one of the funnest, most challenging things i've ever done. He gave me a bloody nose, in which i returned the favor and made him throw up. I beat the crap out of him after that and enjoyed every minute of it.
I remember what followed that day. The want, almost a need to have power. So much pain came after that because i hadn't stabilized my faith and my morals as well as i could have. I was on the fence, do i let myself go to God and trust his power? Or do i isolate my thoughts and love, using independence and anger to full power? To have others fear me was such a want for me at that time. Not even that but because it was easier, because to become comfortable and build walls around my heart was a fool proof plan at the time. In the end, i chose God. Which i have no regrets about.
I remember the first time i saw Adrienne. I had an urgency to be hers. That urgency continues, but in a different way; which is to give her the love and affection she deserves. Cheesy but true.
I remember the lice inspections at Riverside Elementary. Standing in line for countless minutes, praying i wasn't the token infected kid.
I remember when i used to have a fan club. I was about 7 and said i thought it was dumb. but was secretly flattered and loved the fact those girls liked me so much.
I remember telling Cassie i would go out with her after she asked for 10 minutes straight. I broke up with her an hour later. I still feel like a jerk for that.
I remember when i broke my leg and watched NCIS with my mom and built that relationship up from the small connection we had. Six months of that. She also smuggled chocolate into my house all the time without the knowledge of it reaching my dad or brother.
I remember spending so much time indulging in the book Eragon and Eldest because i thought it applied to my life at the time. In some ways, i still believe it did/does.
I remember breaking 7 ribs all along my back on Mac and Fonda's trampoline, or rather the metal on the side of their trampoline. Rowdy (a friend of mine who is only 12) was the only one who stayed at my side while i bawled my eyes out for 30 minutes. The rest went and ate lunch. He showed me that day how soft his heart was.
I remember skiing in Sipipou, New Mexico and making my dad follow me down the double black diamond that mine and my brother's, young, careless minds had learned to ski down in only two days.
I remember talking to most of my middle school teachers for so long after my classes. Just talking and enjoying my time.
I remember hunts that blew my mind. When the weather was only fully enjoyed with hours of patience and appreciation. Storms that made the earth shudder, sunrises that could have distracted you from the most horrible states of mind. Snow that was so beautiful and so bright, like it was a white blanket laid over the earth.
I remember cutting down 8 foot tall sunflowers with swords that my friend Evan owned. Im just realizing how unsafe that really was.
I really could go on. Thinking of these memories have only opened doors in the cobweb-filled parts of my brain. Its so odd thinking back on these times, the smells, the thoughts the love and anger i experienced through all of it. I think Bob was wrong though, life isn't wasted if you don't remember all of it. Life has shaped me, and if Donald Miller thinks that talking with God consists of looking back on times then so be it. But id rather show God who i've become then who i once was.
Side Note: Today, i have an even better appreciation on the blessings in my life. Especially the people. And in some cases (a lot of cases), a certain person ;)
"Halle Halle Hallelujah
Holy Holy is the sound.
And I hope, I hope you are tired out.
And I know, I know there is joy endowed.
But I was asleep,
And he woke me up again,
And he woke me up again to say...
Hold on, hold on to your old ways
Or put off, put off every old face.
And I know, I know you are changed out.
And I hope, I hope you're arranged out.
But I'm still asleep
And you woke me up again.
And I'm still asleep
But you woke me up to leave"
I remember having my own room. Waking up as the sun shown through my enormous windows on the second level of the house we later sold. I remember feeling alive. First learning to enjoy the little things. I remember finding God when i was trying to look other places. It all felt so right, so good.
I remember in middle school, before i was home schooled, getting numerous awards for attendance and high grades. Then feeling horrible when my friends didn't feel so great about my boasting.
I remember crying to Manchester Orchestra because i needed to cry and Andy Hull's pain was enough for me.
I remember skinny dipping in my underground pool in the back yard of my old house when i was about 11 or so.
That reminds me of the Robinsons. Swimming with them (clothed) and how much fun it was to enjoy their company. And pushing my dad into the pool when he had his work clothes on time, after time.
I remember when i had my first kiss. Being so afraid and ironically showing the affection in front of everyone on my school bus. Which is a big deal in Elementary school.
I remember my first fight. It was "Friday night fights". Muay Thai fighting was a favorite of mine and i got the confidence to enter the brawls. Andrew was 21 years old and an ex-weightlifter. He was a dick (pardon my english) and on one occasion broke my fathers nose when they were only sparing. We got into the ring with pads that only protected fists and shins. I was so nervous. So, so nervous. It was exhilarating. Adrenaline surged through me and it was one of the funnest, most challenging things i've ever done. He gave me a bloody nose, in which i returned the favor and made him throw up. I beat the crap out of him after that and enjoyed every minute of it.
I remember what followed that day. The want, almost a need to have power. So much pain came after that because i hadn't stabilized my faith and my morals as well as i could have. I was on the fence, do i let myself go to God and trust his power? Or do i isolate my thoughts and love, using independence and anger to full power? To have others fear me was such a want for me at that time. Not even that but because it was easier, because to become comfortable and build walls around my heart was a fool proof plan at the time. In the end, i chose God. Which i have no regrets about.
I remember the first time i saw Adrienne. I had an urgency to be hers. That urgency continues, but in a different way; which is to give her the love and affection she deserves. Cheesy but true.
I remember the lice inspections at Riverside Elementary. Standing in line for countless minutes, praying i wasn't the token infected kid.
I remember when i used to have a fan club. I was about 7 and said i thought it was dumb. but was secretly flattered and loved the fact those girls liked me so much.
I remember telling Cassie i would go out with her after she asked for 10 minutes straight. I broke up with her an hour later. I still feel like a jerk for that.
I remember when i broke my leg and watched NCIS with my mom and built that relationship up from the small connection we had. Six months of that. She also smuggled chocolate into my house all the time without the knowledge of it reaching my dad or brother.
I remember spending so much time indulging in the book Eragon and Eldest because i thought it applied to my life at the time. In some ways, i still believe it did/does.
I remember breaking 7 ribs all along my back on Mac and Fonda's trampoline, or rather the metal on the side of their trampoline. Rowdy (a friend of mine who is only 12) was the only one who stayed at my side while i bawled my eyes out for 30 minutes. The rest went and ate lunch. He showed me that day how soft his heart was.
I remember skiing in Sipipou, New Mexico and making my dad follow me down the double black diamond that mine and my brother's, young, careless minds had learned to ski down in only two days.
I remember talking to most of my middle school teachers for so long after my classes. Just talking and enjoying my time.
I remember hunts that blew my mind. When the weather was only fully enjoyed with hours of patience and appreciation. Storms that made the earth shudder, sunrises that could have distracted you from the most horrible states of mind. Snow that was so beautiful and so bright, like it was a white blanket laid over the earth.
I remember cutting down 8 foot tall sunflowers with swords that my friend Evan owned. Im just realizing how unsafe that really was.
I really could go on. Thinking of these memories have only opened doors in the cobweb-filled parts of my brain. Its so odd thinking back on these times, the smells, the thoughts the love and anger i experienced through all of it. I think Bob was wrong though, life isn't wasted if you don't remember all of it. Life has shaped me, and if Donald Miller thinks that talking with God consists of looking back on times then so be it. But id rather show God who i've become then who i once was.
Side Note: Today, i have an even better appreciation on the blessings in my life. Especially the people. And in some cases (a lot of cases), a certain person ;)
"Halle Halle Hallelujah
Holy Holy is the sound.
And I hope, I hope you are tired out.
And I know, I know there is joy endowed.
But I was asleep,
And he woke me up again,
And he woke me up again to say...
Hold on, hold on to your old ways
Or put off, put off every old face.
And I know, I know you are changed out.
And I hope, I hope you're arranged out.
But I'm still asleep
And you woke me up again.
And I'm still asleep
But you woke me up to leave"
Furnished pleasures
I was thinking about how much pain we have when someone close to us fades further away. Whether it be a relationship, family member or just a close friend. It hurts so badly. You can feel them slipping and you feel as if your holding on to what strings you have left trying to reel them in and let them see your love. Im not having that problem at the moment, but i remember some friends of mine telling me things similar to this. And just remembering my own past friendships.
That led my thinking to how much God puts himself in everything we are, everything we see, hear, love. Love, definitely love. (though we *hardly* see him) So why not pain? God gave us a certain someone (at points, different someones for different times in your life. Until you find the one that will be with you until death) to experience his love with. And when you find that person you feel overwhelmed. Thats not even a fraction of the way God feels with us. Not even an ounce. When we pull apart from God it hits him much harder than the hurt we will ever feel. (And we do that quite a bit) Is that a reason we feel pain? To understand (an ounce of) what God feels when we dismiss him?
"December come to me
I hope I can see
You not just in dreams"
I've been appreciating my days more and more because it means i can share it with you. Even if you feel compelled to put in your earrings when i am.
"I will let you be
Why can't you believe
How much you really mean"
I think Fun is an exceptional band. The lyrics are awesome, the sound is incredibly unique and the guys voice is refreshing. Weird choice of word, but i mean it. Good stuff right there.
"December won't you come
Back with snow even some
Don't say that it's done"
Snow is beautiful. I cant even express my love for it. Its good that its so freakin beautiful or i would absolutely hate it for what a inconvenience it is.
"I will carry you home
Take you from the loneliest
You have known"
I've gotten my own room now. My brother hasn't slept in our room for awhile regardless but it feels more like mine now that hes taken the liberty to move into our gym downstairs. I have a feeling our weightlifting station is going to become a nice place to hang clothes. I moved things around, made it mine. Temporarily at least. Which is fine by me, ill take what i can get.
Do you know what it feels like when things are taken away from its routine nature? When simple things like when a room undergoes a makeover, it feels like a comfortable change, refreshing. I had been in a bad place and was sick of the routine i had installed into my life. And though i knew that it was not in the room itself that i had been so displeased with, but the fact that i needed to get out of a rut (funk) emotionally. A slight change helped me realize that it was not routine itself that made me discouraged but that fact that i had become so comfortable with it. I saw that i was going through the motions with God and after some encouragement i changed that. God and i are pretty good today. Like my heart. I suppose they go hand in hand anyways.
"I will carry you home
Take me from the loneliest
Place I have known"
I really like coffee. Something i hoped not to inherit from my parents. (Mom, i need a sandwich.. extra mayo!)
That led my thinking to how much God puts himself in everything we are, everything we see, hear, love. Love, definitely love. (though we *hardly* see him) So why not pain? God gave us a certain someone (at points, different someones for different times in your life. Until you find the one that will be with you until death) to experience his love with. And when you find that person you feel overwhelmed. Thats not even a fraction of the way God feels with us. Not even an ounce. When we pull apart from God it hits him much harder than the hurt we will ever feel. (And we do that quite a bit) Is that a reason we feel pain? To understand (an ounce of) what God feels when we dismiss him?
"December come to me
I hope I can see
You not just in dreams"
I've been appreciating my days more and more because it means i can share it with you. Even if you feel compelled to put in your earrings when i am.
"I will let you be
Why can't you believe
How much you really mean"
I think Fun is an exceptional band. The lyrics are awesome, the sound is incredibly unique and the guys voice is refreshing. Weird choice of word, but i mean it. Good stuff right there.
"December won't you come
Back with snow even some
Don't say that it's done"
Snow is beautiful. I cant even express my love for it. Its good that its so freakin beautiful or i would absolutely hate it for what a inconvenience it is.
"I will carry you home
Take you from the loneliest
You have known"
I've gotten my own room now. My brother hasn't slept in our room for awhile regardless but it feels more like mine now that hes taken the liberty to move into our gym downstairs. I have a feeling our weightlifting station is going to become a nice place to hang clothes. I moved things around, made it mine. Temporarily at least. Which is fine by me, ill take what i can get.
Do you know what it feels like when things are taken away from its routine nature? When simple things like when a room undergoes a makeover, it feels like a comfortable change, refreshing. I had been in a bad place and was sick of the routine i had installed into my life. And though i knew that it was not in the room itself that i had been so displeased with, but the fact that i needed to get out of a rut (funk) emotionally. A slight change helped me realize that it was not routine itself that made me discouraged but that fact that i had become so comfortable with it. I saw that i was going through the motions with God and after some encouragement i changed that. God and i are pretty good today. Like my heart. I suppose they go hand in hand anyways.
"I will carry you home
Take me from the loneliest
Place I have known"
I really like coffee. Something i hoped not to inherit from my parents. (Mom, i need a sandwich.. extra mayo!)
Everything is Illuminated
As much as im sick of the snow, the fact that everything was covered in a layer of ice made me incredibly happy. The trees, ohhh the trees. They were so beautiful. The snow seems to illuminate the look of nature.
I threw a spoon at my dad today, only retaliating with the same punishment he showed me. (All in fun) The spoon flew gallantly threw the air, slicing through the air, spinning, weaving through the air only to miss and smack my dog right in the face. She gave me the most pitiful look i have ever seen.
Psych is back on, Holla!
My days are continually getting better. They may have to do with a certain harpooning girl. ;)
She has definitely been a light in my life, and for that im grateful.
God is good.
I've always been a little turned off by huge rings. Hands are so awesome themselves and when i see these people wearing rings that cover half their fingers it just makes me laugh. Oh bling, how you infuriate so. Check it! ... Yo!
Even though one time i saw this huge silver one that intertwined between gold and was littered with diamonds. That wasn't so bad
Dang it Porcupine Tree, why are your lyrics so freakin depressing? You do have alot of tracks though.. and most of them aren't bad.
I am so, so content.
"Lord, stay my hand
before I sin again
I'm not sad
I'm just through with it
Glad I'm through with it
Yeah
Lord, understand
It's not the same as then
light my path
Guide me to the end
Swear you will forget me"
I threw a spoon at my dad today, only retaliating with the same punishment he showed me. (All in fun) The spoon flew gallantly threw the air, slicing through the air, spinning, weaving through the air only to miss and smack my dog right in the face. She gave me the most pitiful look i have ever seen.
Psych is back on, Holla!
My days are continually getting better. They may have to do with a certain harpooning girl. ;)
She has definitely been a light in my life, and for that im grateful.
God is good.
I've always been a little turned off by huge rings. Hands are so awesome themselves and when i see these people wearing rings that cover half their fingers it just makes me laugh. Oh bling, how you infuriate so. Check it! ... Yo!
Even though one time i saw this huge silver one that intertwined between gold and was littered with diamonds. That wasn't so bad
Dang it Porcupine Tree, why are your lyrics so freakin depressing? You do have alot of tracks though.. and most of them aren't bad.
I am so, so content.
"Lord, stay my hand
before I sin again
I'm not sad
I'm just through with it
Glad I'm through with it
Yeah
Lord, understand
It's not the same as then
light my path
Guide me to the end
Swear you will forget me"
Pumpernickel bread
Because my night was to precious to waste on radio music, I set my computer on the bed and let it play music from playlist.com (which i have grown very fond of). The charger was not plugged in so i made it my obligation to turn off my computer, Lyla. What i didn't do, was put into thought that i might fall asleep to a playlist called "soft for the soul".
My computer died last night, and almost burned out the cooler on the bottom of it because it was set on my bed that gave it no breathing room. Sorry for giving you a heart attack, and not formally closing you down Lyla computer.
"If i failed to deliver
if the world left you bitter
if waitin and prayin hasnt led to you payin-"
My brother and i augured whether the lead singer to Silversun Pickups was a man or woman. I of course picked the man as my wager, while my confident sibling refused to agree with me and even used a "witness" by the name of Amy (who is as big into music as i am) to further his confidence. Youtube determined our answer for us. Turned out i was right.
I may have gained a little pride (which i should discard from my brain as soon as possible) from this, oh so important, argument with my brother.
"of course i will care
if the world stripped you bare -"
I slept so hard last night.
Its beautiful outside.
Angel food cake is the bomb.
"but your killing your liver with toxins
that help you to
see this whole mess
recieve this hopeless
transmission "
My computer died last night, and almost burned out the cooler on the bottom of it because it was set on my bed that gave it no breathing room. Sorry for giving you a heart attack, and not formally closing you down Lyla computer.
"If i failed to deliver
if the world left you bitter
if waitin and prayin hasnt led to you payin-"
My brother and i augured whether the lead singer to Silversun Pickups was a man or woman. I of course picked the man as my wager, while my confident sibling refused to agree with me and even used a "witness" by the name of Amy (who is as big into music as i am) to further his confidence. Youtube determined our answer for us. Turned out i was right.
I may have gained a little pride (which i should discard from my brain as soon as possible) from this, oh so important, argument with my brother.
"of course i will care
if the world stripped you bare -"
I slept so hard last night.
Its beautiful outside.
Angel food cake is the bomb.
"but your killing your liver with toxins
that help you to
see this whole mess
recieve this hopeless
transmission "
Swimming in Maple extracts
There is a light post on the corner of my street. The road breaks into two other streets which makes the corner large enough to consume my gaze. Its beautiful really. At night, when its light is radiating across the road, it's almost a safe place. It calls me over there to sit down at times, just to think. The last few days its been very foggy, when that light is hitting the fog its definitely a scene.
Waffles are good just because of the fact i get to drown them in syrup.
I think Valentines day is a great way for old lovers to remember the love they once had. And the kind they should strive for.
Snuggies are amazing. I used to despise them, but the fact that Weezer endorsed them may have had something to do with my open-mindedness. I sat down awhile ago with the list of things i needed to do fresh in my head. I wrapped myself in a snuggie and may have taken the quickest most comfortable nap i have ever had. Productivity could wait.
"Morning sun warms our skin
And distant sounds
The day begins
Soon their world will come calling for us
But this is the space they cannot touch"
Waffles are good just because of the fact i get to drown them in syrup.
I think Valentines day is a great way for old lovers to remember the love they once had. And the kind they should strive for.
Snuggies are amazing. I used to despise them, but the fact that Weezer endorsed them may have had something to do with my open-mindedness. I sat down awhile ago with the list of things i needed to do fresh in my head. I wrapped myself in a snuggie and may have taken the quickest most comfortable nap i have ever had. Productivity could wait.
"Morning sun warms our skin
And distant sounds
The day begins
Soon their world will come calling for us
But this is the space they cannot touch"
Pursuit of joy?
Ive always thought that the pursuit of happiness was a ridiculous search.
My definition of happiness is this; A Temporary fulfillment.
You can be in pursuit of something that is temporary, but it will not permanently bring you contentment. I think its great to find something that makes you happy. Like a certain hobby or whatever it may be. But many people spend their entire lives trying to find the one thing that makes them happy.
My definition of joy is this; A Permanent mind set that God allows you to indulge in whenever you are willing.
When you accept God, i believe you can learn to be content in any situation. When there is even a death, you may mourn but inside you know God has a plan and you are grateful for that. Maybe depending on how much faith you have, joyous. I am trying to reach that kind of faith. Maybe we should be trying to find joy? The attitude that lets us experience happiness in almost everything.
What are your thoughts on this?
I have a couple bands/songs that i recently stumbled upon:
Shes got you high, Out of the question, and Now or never ~ Mumm-Ra
Please, please, please let me get what i want ~ The Autumns
Conductor and Quiet little voices ~ We were promised Jetpacks
Enjoy ;)
Its been really beautiful here for a couple days. Its feels really nice
My definition of happiness is this; A Temporary fulfillment.
You can be in pursuit of something that is temporary, but it will not permanently bring you contentment. I think its great to find something that makes you happy. Like a certain hobby or whatever it may be. But many people spend their entire lives trying to find the one thing that makes them happy.
My definition of joy is this; A Permanent mind set that God allows you to indulge in whenever you are willing.
When you accept God, i believe you can learn to be content in any situation. When there is even a death, you may mourn but inside you know God has a plan and you are grateful for that. Maybe depending on how much faith you have, joyous. I am trying to reach that kind of faith. Maybe we should be trying to find joy? The attitude that lets us experience happiness in almost everything.
What are your thoughts on this?
I have a couple bands/songs that i recently stumbled upon:
Shes got you high, Out of the question, and Now or never ~ Mumm-Ra
Please, please, please let me get what i want ~ The Autumns
Conductor and Quiet little voices ~ We were promised Jetpacks
Enjoy ;)
Its been really beautiful here for a couple days. Its feels really nice
Vulnerability and the effects of its absence
I believe that when you have accepted God he instantly begins to mold you into what kind of person he wants you to be. That of course takes some work on your side too.
God makes himself completely vulnerable to us. Loving us even when we turn on him. It seems we have to do the same, but not only with each other. And without walls guarding our hearts. We have to love God in that way (vulnerably). Which really shouldn't be that hard. I mean, its not like hes going to turn on us. Hes Perfect and he loves us perfectly. Whats so difficult about that? Maybe its the fact that we have to get out of our comfort zones to let him work in us. We have to be vulnerable to others to show them love. We have to work on not sulking to ourselves when were in a storm. We have to pick the right attitude everyday, for every decision, for every conversation. Now, of course, we are really far from reaching that. And i dont know if we ever will. But i want to encourage you to open up your heart to God. To be vulnerable in your love.
When you are having trouble with one another, talk it out. Suck in your pride and apologize even if its only something small. Others wont open up as well sometimes. So even when they aren't owning up to there flaws give them patience and if you did something even minuscule, ask them for forgiveness.
Now of course there will be times when they act like they did nothing wrong. When your taking the blame for something when they actually hurt you. Talk to them about it. If they still wont own up. Dont worry about it. They forgave you (or at least you tried depending on whether they did or not) so wash your hands of it.
Take risks. Its hard leaving your comfort, but you need to. It will help you grow, learn and maybe see things from different perspectives. Things like telling someone close to you about Christianity, or even just asking if they need to talk. Then asking someone thats isn't anywhere close to you. Maybe even something sports wise. Such as taking a spot in a sport that your not to sure you can handle, thats usually just fear talking. Try something small to start out, get used to being uncomfortable. Facing fears, all that good stuff.
I hate sulking, when people start feeling sorry for themselves. I dont like it, One; because that person probably doesn't know just how good they have it.
Two; its very selfish. Making others feel sorry for you, just to make yourself feel loved. Even though that person is loved an incredible amount by someone, they just ironically chose to be in denial about it. Its hard to be vulnerable because your afraid that the person you love will let you down. When someone sulks they still need love, but making others feel sorry for you is not an acceptable way to do it.
And Three; its hurts others around you. They dont want to see someone they love down in the dumps. I mean, who does? When your sulking you get in the funk, its so hard to get out of because its such a comfortable place to be. You dont have to worry about others hurting you. Attitude isnt really needed because nobody expects a good one out of you. The walls just keep building up. You start to treat others like crap, yourself like crap and you usually become lukewarm in your love for God. (if you have one)
(there is a difference in whining and needing/wanting to talk about something)
If you feel yourself leaning in towards being comfortable and sulky (there is a good comfortable, im not trying to say that if your comfortable your feeling sorry for yourself. Thats not what i mean at all) try and figure out why your acting like that. Is there something you need to say to someone? And the fear is overcoming your need to say it? Dont be afraid to talk to someone. They will understand. I mean, they are a flawed human as well.
So, in conclusion, being invulnerable may make you comfortable at times. But what can you gain from that?
God makes himself completely vulnerable to us. Loving us even when we turn on him. It seems we have to do the same, but not only with each other. And without walls guarding our hearts. We have to love God in that way (vulnerably). Which really shouldn't be that hard. I mean, its not like hes going to turn on us. Hes Perfect and he loves us perfectly. Whats so difficult about that? Maybe its the fact that we have to get out of our comfort zones to let him work in us. We have to be vulnerable to others to show them love. We have to work on not sulking to ourselves when were in a storm. We have to pick the right attitude everyday, for every decision, for every conversation. Now, of course, we are really far from reaching that. And i dont know if we ever will. But i want to encourage you to open up your heart to God. To be vulnerable in your love.
When you are having trouble with one another, talk it out. Suck in your pride and apologize even if its only something small. Others wont open up as well sometimes. So even when they aren't owning up to there flaws give them patience and if you did something even minuscule, ask them for forgiveness.
Now of course there will be times when they act like they did nothing wrong. When your taking the blame for something when they actually hurt you. Talk to them about it. If they still wont own up. Dont worry about it. They forgave you (or at least you tried depending on whether they did or not) so wash your hands of it.
Take risks. Its hard leaving your comfort, but you need to. It will help you grow, learn and maybe see things from different perspectives. Things like telling someone close to you about Christianity, or even just asking if they need to talk. Then asking someone thats isn't anywhere close to you. Maybe even something sports wise. Such as taking a spot in a sport that your not to sure you can handle, thats usually just fear talking. Try something small to start out, get used to being uncomfortable. Facing fears, all that good stuff.
I hate sulking, when people start feeling sorry for themselves. I dont like it, One; because that person probably doesn't know just how good they have it.
Two; its very selfish. Making others feel sorry for you, just to make yourself feel loved. Even though that person is loved an incredible amount by someone, they just ironically chose to be in denial about it. Its hard to be vulnerable because your afraid that the person you love will let you down. When someone sulks they still need love, but making others feel sorry for you is not an acceptable way to do it.
And Three; its hurts others around you. They dont want to see someone they love down in the dumps. I mean, who does? When your sulking you get in the funk, its so hard to get out of because its such a comfortable place to be. You dont have to worry about others hurting you. Attitude isnt really needed because nobody expects a good one out of you. The walls just keep building up. You start to treat others like crap, yourself like crap and you usually become lukewarm in your love for God. (if you have one)
(there is a difference in whining and needing/wanting to talk about something)
If you feel yourself leaning in towards being comfortable and sulky (there is a good comfortable, im not trying to say that if your comfortable your feeling sorry for yourself. Thats not what i mean at all) try and figure out why your acting like that. Is there something you need to say to someone? And the fear is overcoming your need to say it? Dont be afraid to talk to someone. They will understand. I mean, they are a flawed human as well.
So, in conclusion, being invulnerable may make you comfortable at times. But what can you gain from that?
The Garden that You Planted
God continues to amaze me. I was thinking about this last night, (Sadly i didn't get to catch the episode of Lockdown; women of valley center penitentiary;) about how God plants the seed in us. He shows us his love and embraces us even when we think we dont need him. He waters us and gives us the right amount of sunlight. He has *patience* with us, so much in fact that he will continue to water the seed he planted in us. We make the choice to grow and He will chose what flower we will become according to his plan. This is if we accept him. If we do not, he still has patience. He will continue to water you your whole life, even if you do not ever accept him.
Now we also uproot ourselves. We turn on God for our own desires. He makes himself so vulnerable to us, giving us His complete love and loyalty. Even when we decide we have grown enough with God and we tear out of the soil he digs us another hole and waits for us to ask for forgiveness. We almost always do. He doesn't simply show his light on someone else and be done with us. Isnt that amazing?
I challenge you this week to focus on patience with one another. If someone turns their back on you, give them time to turn back around. Work on your tolerance. You are smart enough to know when to not tolerate someone; like when someone is taking advantage of you. But i think our tolerance is way to short. We should expand it. Even though we will get hurt, God will be with us . Being vulnerable is extremely hard. I mean, almost all men and women build up walls and alter egos just so that they dont get hurt. Get out of your comfort zones people, remember why we are here. What kind of example can you be today?
"Good morning dear, i hope i didnt wake you too soon,
Becuase my mind is growing tired to much thinking what i should do. I picture you up there,
it must be beautiful this time of year. All those east cost leaves floating around like ember from burning trees.
Well the weather out here is just the same, but the garden that you planted remains"
I love mornings. I love waking up wrapped in a series of blankets. I love the sun, it warms my skin just enough. I love finding something, like a song or bible verse to add with the goodmorning i send (via text) to my beautiful dearest. Even if she doesnt always read the verse or listen to the song. Its the thought that counts right? ;) I love scrounging around the house for something to eat while im half awake. I love that everything is just right in this moment. I realize how grateful i am, i can feel God closer to me than my own carelessly thrown on shirt. I love the way, right before i get up, my dog slams against my door always startling me (even though i know its coming). Only to jump on my bed and pummel me into the wall. I love listening to music and getting myself ready for whatever the day prepares. So good, so good.
"Does it ever catch your eye? Beauty divine.
In an old mans tears, in a little girls smile. It feels like a song,
one that belongs to you. Stop making sense, your weakest defense.
Just quite your mind, let the world unwind"
Now we also uproot ourselves. We turn on God for our own desires. He makes himself so vulnerable to us, giving us His complete love and loyalty. Even when we decide we have grown enough with God and we tear out of the soil he digs us another hole and waits for us to ask for forgiveness. We almost always do. He doesn't simply show his light on someone else and be done with us. Isnt that amazing?
I challenge you this week to focus on patience with one another. If someone turns their back on you, give them time to turn back around. Work on your tolerance. You are smart enough to know when to not tolerate someone; like when someone is taking advantage of you. But i think our tolerance is way to short. We should expand it. Even though we will get hurt, God will be with us . Being vulnerable is extremely hard. I mean, almost all men and women build up walls and alter egos just so that they dont get hurt. Get out of your comfort zones people, remember why we are here. What kind of example can you be today?
"Good morning dear, i hope i didnt wake you too soon,
Becuase my mind is growing tired to much thinking what i should do. I picture you up there,
it must be beautiful this time of year. All those east cost leaves floating around like ember from burning trees.
Well the weather out here is just the same, but the garden that you planted remains"
I love mornings. I love waking up wrapped in a series of blankets. I love the sun, it warms my skin just enough. I love finding something, like a song or bible verse to add with the goodmorning i send (via text) to my beautiful dearest. Even if she doesnt always read the verse or listen to the song. Its the thought that counts right? ;) I love scrounging around the house for something to eat while im half awake. I love that everything is just right in this moment. I realize how grateful i am, i can feel God closer to me than my own carelessly thrown on shirt. I love the way, right before i get up, my dog slams against my door always startling me (even though i know its coming). Only to jump on my bed and pummel me into the wall. I love listening to music and getting myself ready for whatever the day prepares. So good, so good.
"Does it ever catch your eye? Beauty divine.
In an old mans tears, in a little girls smile. It feels like a song,
one that belongs to you. Stop making sense, your weakest defense.
Just quite your mind, let the world unwind"
Lukewarm realizations
I have seen you in the eyes of a hundred thousand other stranger faces.
I have seen you in unlikely and unfamiliar places.
I have seen you be reckless in matters of love.
I remember when i was so in love with God. Everywhere i looked i saw him in some form or another. Recently i haven't cared to much to make it a main focus in my life. My love hasnt been what it was originally. Late last night i was thinking about this while i was watching "Lockdown - The women of Valley Center Penitentiary" (dont let ridiculousness of that statement take away what im trying to say;) My life has been great, more than great; incredible. The fact that my life has been so good takes away my need to consult with God every other hour. I can feel my soul giving out because i haven't had Gods strength to keep it together. I hate that feeling. Lukewarm is the word to describe this. even though i pray every once in awhile, and i talk about God every so often, my passion is nothing like it was a month or two ago.
Im going to get that positive, grateful, COMPLETELY in love side of me back.
(And no Adrienne, the fact that i made Great Lake Swimmer's lyrics to describe a time in my life does not mean im trying to say that they are in fact Christian. Even though they might possibly be.. ;)
Raspberries are so freakin delicious. I just wish they would thaw out faster, and that i would start my school work at some point.
I have seen you in unlikely and unfamiliar places.
I have seen you be reckless in matters of love.
I remember when i was so in love with God. Everywhere i looked i saw him in some form or another. Recently i haven't cared to much to make it a main focus in my life. My love hasnt been what it was originally. Late last night i was thinking about this while i was watching "Lockdown - The women of Valley Center Penitentiary" (dont let ridiculousness of that statement take away what im trying to say;) My life has been great, more than great; incredible. The fact that my life has been so good takes away my need to consult with God every other hour. I can feel my soul giving out because i haven't had Gods strength to keep it together. I hate that feeling. Lukewarm is the word to describe this. even though i pray every once in awhile, and i talk about God every so often, my passion is nothing like it was a month or two ago.
Im going to get that positive, grateful, COMPLETELY in love side of me back.
(And no Adrienne, the fact that i made Great Lake Swimmer's lyrics to describe a time in my life does not mean im trying to say that they are in fact Christian. Even though they might possibly be.. ;)
Raspberries are so freakin delicious. I just wish they would thaw out faster, and that i would start my school work at some point.
Looking back at turning points
I can't let the gold fade
how do i let the boy in me stay?
I keep breaking the mold Gods made
unwillingly finding myself here again
Will my whole life be this constant battle,
fighting Satan with a mere lonely soul?
Ill continue to strap on this on this saddle,
even if this fight is taking its toll
Finding you, will let me find myself
The blessings in this life may seem so small
Binding our love
The Lord will let me stand so tall
I wrote this back when i was having trouble picking God over myself,
along with that came a want to quit loving God when the going got tough.
But of course in the end, if you let God work in you, your heart will prevail. And mine did.
Which makes me exceedingly grateful. I dont have to fight so hard now with the help of a few select others.
And i wanted to thank those select others, so huh, thanks. ;)
how do i let the boy in me stay?
I keep breaking the mold Gods made
unwillingly finding myself here again
Will my whole life be this constant battle,
fighting Satan with a mere lonely soul?
Ill continue to strap on this on this saddle,
even if this fight is taking its toll
Finding you, will let me find myself
The blessings in this life may seem so small
Binding our love
The Lord will let me stand so tall
I wrote this back when i was having trouble picking God over myself,
along with that came a want to quit loving God when the going got tough.
But of course in the end, if you let God work in you, your heart will prevail. And mine did.
Which makes me exceedingly grateful. I dont have to fight so hard now with the help of a few select others.
And i wanted to thank those select others, so huh, thanks. ;)
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