All Things Go

 You know what, i want to dance right now. Not like prom dancing, where 96% is making fun of yourself by fake dancing. Just dancing. I think there is a term for this.. maybe closest dancer?
Where you go into a private area and dance your heart out? Sure that's it.
So besides dancing, im thinking this is a great start to my day. Ill take a "nap" this morning and start my new promotion. Hopefully all goes well. Maybe ill eat some tacos and hopefully get my car fixed.
 I just finished this crazy- shouldn't be this hard -wooden puzzle. The silly thing is, im feeling pretty badass. It's also 2 a.m. so that's not saying much. Who cares, i made that thing my bitch! (to much?) (alright, to much)

 I opened up a page in a book that was supposed to give in insight on the world in a very objectionable and scientific way. The first phrase was "The world will come to an end. No matter how much science, and how much technology we furnish, we will all perish at some point". I laughed! No idea why that was the first expression i came to, it was just funny to me. Not that we're all going to perish inevitably, but that, that supposed to be so serious. I pretty much blew it off.
Not that im "above" the fear of perishing. I just don't care much. We're all going to die, and i've pretty much made amends to that. It's strikes me how similar im finding intelligent design and evolution to be related. Even with all the stories that are just bullshit, like young-earth creationists or evolution with minor adjustments to make everyone happy.
Instead im talking about the logic of the two. Some believe that the world was made by a single-cell organism or crystals.. ect, ect. But those had to be made by something. And that something was made by something.. and something made that something. So you never really know where it ends, and how it begun first. It's funny to me. Is that in itself not supernatural enough to you? We have seemed to delude everything miraculous into normal. Like the way a flower goes through the process of blooming.
Well, of course it has an explanation, but does that explanation not stir a beauty and passion in your heart? Can it still not be miraculous just because we know how it works? Now, Don't get all dictionary with me, i know the meaning of the word. However, miraculous screams brilliance and creativity to me. You may know how it works, but why? Sure, you developed the basics to it. Darwin did that, or even Richard Owen. Or many other scientists. It's the will to survive. Have you found the root yet? Have you found the purpose in it all? The purpose behind the survival? When we did not have the knowledge to explain the theory of evolution a few hundred years ago, did the idea not sound "miraculous" or even "crazy"??
 And we both have an ending.
Christianity has prophesies that have been carried out perfectly in our own time. And many in history. Not only that; Even in evolution, is it not "miraculous" that our minds are set apart from other species? The fact that we dress ourselves, that we have tendencies and morals that goes way beyond survival based morals. And Love, that is so far from survival and sometimes instinct it's crazy. How did that fall into place? There will always be sciences that describe miraculous happenings. But isn't that the point? How else would you think God would do it? Why does he (to you atheists) have to make things poof into existence, instead of forming them out of scientific means?
What im am trying to get to is the fact that science and the supernatural should not be differentiated, instead they are one in the same. Just because something brilliant, beautiful and unknown is figured out and subjected as science, doesn't mean it should be put in the column as such and only as such.

   Im not sure still on where i stand on my Lord forming us through evolution, but even with the absurd theories about the topic that try to hard to push the two together as a way out of picking one, i have found many Sincere intelligent scientist that have a consistent basis for the combination to be a very real thing.

Exciting isn't it?

Man. I need to head to bed.

Also! I have felt God a ton since have started to stop thinking about myself so much. It's wonderful!

Alright, goodnight! 

"

and together there

in a shroud of frost and mountain air
began to pass through every pane of weathered glass
and I held you closer…"

Burn me down

   I find it embarrassing how passionate i am. My dad isn't like that, he's just chill about everything. I don't want that, but just sometimes it would be nice. My mom is just a bit spazzy most of the time. And my brother runs on complete instinct. Which is dangerous and hilarious. But how did i end up the emotional one? I thought about joining the marines once to avoid a soft heart. Maybe some discipline and killing would be good for a young man? It was short lived. I couldn't kill someone without turning into a fleshy statue.
   I guess it just sucks because when i'm angry, i get Really angry. Sure i get ticked off every once in a while, but contentment is my usual emotion. Not many people have seen me angry, which is wonderful. I'll never forget going to dinner with Adrienne, raw knuckled from the night before when i let loose on my punching bag for anything i had kept inside. We ate dinner with her grandma that night, first time i had ever met her... blood seeping through bandages. She had a hard time warming up to me.
   One time my dad came downstairs to find me after a particularly bad night and i was just getting after it, punch after punch. He sat me down and said the he was afraid of me. My stomach flipped at that. He was scared at what i could and would do to someone if i didn't control myself.. It calmed me down straight away. I never want to hear him say that again. I felt so.. ugh, i don't even know. But it actually scared me as well. I don't want to be that son, or that person really.
   I feel the anger welling up in my soul, and i am having a hard time not exploding at people and telling them exactly what i think of their snide remarks. Or Katie. After everything i've done for her, and then her power trip and disrespect, ALL the time. "How about you take your stupid diet carrots and shove them in your mouth! Will that quite yo' bitchin?!" (to be read in gangsta voice)
Man, i have had such a peaceful and joyous three months, i want to cling as long as i can. But i did ask God for challenges. And God does answer prayers...
   I know the only reason im feeling anger is because i have been thinking about myself. And when you feel entitled to things, and careless of others, walls are built and grudges and bitterness and are fit inside. I just need to get over myself lately. Which is easy currently, i have someone to care for. Someone that absolutely deserves it. And, i don't have anything to feel sorry about... so maybe ill just go eat some more whip cream.

"Until i become one with the salt in the sea
       I will stand up straight
And let you roll right into me"
   

God, i miss you. I miss thinking of you. I miss being in awe. I miss the warmth you have to offer, and the logic you bring to get through things. Let me come back to you, and let go of myself. Break me down, and mold me back unto the shape of your love.