The I Am

 No, i'm not able to see things as they really are. I am biased and look through the glasses of a cynical man.
I am not able to love fully. I'm not able to be free of hatred, and hear the lyrics of other perspectives. 
 I asked myself to not fill my heart with the glory of objects. Instead, i asked myself to find my glory through the pride of myself, and of others. because i was smart enough to know that it was not through materials, but at the heart of man was the need to feel loved and receive vindication. If there then, was no God, it must be reached through others.
 
I rather find myself humbled. I am aware of the gaping hole that has torn through my chest. And no distraction can keep it filled for more than a minute. I tried to love sincerely, but found myself apethetic. How is this not the correct way? it is the only logical thing to believe. How can i not be happy when evolution has brought us to this stage. I figured out the switched to deliver the right chemicals to the right places. And yet, no matter how i try, i am not happy. 

Maybe i was right before. I can not do this myself. I can not truly be selfless even with support from those who love me. To be selfless and sincere is the only way for me to be fully content.

I suppose God was the only thing that felt authentic, and gave me a glory that allowed my eyes to open to other people.